I saw my comments from my staff nurse on friendster from my previous PRCP ward. She says she saw my name at HR and she says Sushan is going to ED. And I'm going to the ward!

I'm so happy!
Business coming in for my online shop.
Hooray!

Sometimes, I just wished I wasn't back in Singapore. So many things happening right now. Friends around me are either feeling stressed with new work life or either feeling down and backing into their own space. Everybody is just so depressed right now. I just feel so lost. I just don't know how to help them nor how to handle the situation. I feel so bad and small at a sudden. I really feel like breaking down now.

Worst of all, my body refused to get well too. I just too sick to go out too. Feeling super lethargy to go out. The flu is making my body ache and all I can do is to stay at home and rest and handle with simple household chores & stay online. I just find myself utterly useless. All I can do is to stay at home and get sick and while others are striving hard to handle with their workload. I'm like the world most nothing-to-do person. My god. I just feel so down right now. Hais.

Tell me I'll be able to pull through this bad times and become a stronger person for others. Please! =(

Can I fly that high just to see the sun rise?

Hooray! I'm like finally back from all the trips. You know I just miss Singapore so much. I did enjoyed myself in Hong Kong but I missed Singapore at the same time. Sound contradicting right? Well anyway, I just wanna say I MISS SINGAPORE! =D But right now, there is one saddest fact that I gonna announced! I put on 5kg. Can I just go and die. Super sad! Let's start my exercise regime again.

The fact that I shop alot in Hong Kong doesn't makes me have enough rest thus the flu bug in me doesn't wants to go off. I'm like having sore throat plus flu. A combination of both is enough to put me to bed for several hours. I'm like the world most useless person. I slept for like 10 over hours today. The longest hours ever since touching down Changi Airport at 12 midnight on monday. I woke up feeling hard to breathe. Due to serious airway inflammation.

Away from that. 2 random good news for me. The first piece of good news is that I recieved GST off package. Meaning that I've a allowance of $500 this year which comes in separate months. All thanks to Singapore government eh. Lols. The second piece of good new is that Graduation ceremony is on my birthday! 27th May 2008. This means my ward sister must surely die die give me my day off on graduation day. And also this is my 21st birthday. It's like bloody fast. I'm not ready to be a adult! lol. I've no plans for my 21st birthday la. Thinking of the next day I may have to go back to work already damned sian can. Just let god decide by then. BUT. 1 random sad news for me. My beloved Ipod shuffle mp3 is spoilted. Damned sad. That's my prize for HS Idol. Super sad. I wanna get it repair. Super meaningful prize.

Well, I am happy to recieve good news that Wan Ying is doing well in ICU. All thanks to Jonathan that I now know where she is staying at. NUH CT ICU bed 15. Maybe going now to visit her this friday. Thanks god for blessing her.

Seeing all my friends starting work really makes me feel happy for them. They are now all being call STAFF NURSE. That's cool man. I just so bloody proud for them. They're now all put on in their uniform. Is like can you imagine you walk into any ward and see your friends in that uniform? Super different la. I heared from Hui Teng that there are students calling her staff nurse. So different man. Haa. When's my turn sia? I'm like slacking at home whole day. Hais. I don't know how to relate to you guys how I feel. Suan le. Just let me slack and die at home. Lol. Life's just not that great afterall. This is ultraly random. I wanna watch this movie call 'Tokyo Tower'.

Today wasn't a good day to start off with. After spending a night out with Aili, Hui Teng And Lijia outside. I went home and started to gear up for my morning jog. I wasn't tired anyway and I thought I need to lose some sheds of fats hidden in me. Moreover, my swollen arch seems to be better compared to the past few days. Not wanting to go back to the same old square me. Thus, I went down at about 0650am to jog.

When I reached downstairs, I did a warm-up like doing some stretching exercises. And I started to run. I did a slow jog to the first desired destination and I stop for a moment to continue the next part of warm-up. Afterwhich, untill then I will jog non-stop untill the next desired place. Thus, I just jogged and jogged non-stop with my mp3 playing the same song..

However, as I continued to jog I just felt like so deprived of oxygen. I've got this radiating pain from my chest all the way to the back. For a moment, I felt as though like I'm gonna vomit everything out. I felt a terrible cramp that strike my stomach and makes me wanna pluck all my supper out. I felt my sweat trickles down my neck. The feeling was like so cold. I feel all the water in me is being drawn out. I know my lips was dried like I'm so deprived of water. I seriously never felt like these before. At the same time, I felt so much pain and pressure on my both legs. So pain that I couldn't walk anymore. I was numb for that very moment. I could feel that my extremities was suddenly so weak. . It was so bad that..I just stop and grasp for air for that very moment. I saw double vision. But I didn't faint. I told myself to stay cool. Everything's gonna be alright as long as I take it slow and made my way back the the bench and rest.

I walked for like 10mins to the bench and at the midst I was like mad women grasping for air. Passerby keep looking at me. I didn't know what to do. I thought of consulting my other nurses friend but to think that they might be asleep and rushing for work. I thought of calling my secondary school friends, but they are either overseas or at work. For the first time, I was so helpless and I knew this is how it is like in the future...Who can I called? I don't know.

I thanked God that I didn't really faint. And that I make my way back to my house. I knew God wouldn't want me to die now. Haha. Soon but just not now yet for that I've yet to go through what I am suppose to go through in life.

I recieved a call from Kriistine that Wy is admitted to NUH. I hope she's gonna to get well soon and pull through it. You know how it feels when you're a nurse and when your friends or close one gets admitted to hospital. I hope she will well soon. =)

This is the place that I've my morning jog. Beautiful. Ain't it?

Daybreak..

Minutes before dawn

Okay. I have just reached home. It's 5.59am now. Lol. 2nd day of insomia. Okay not exactly. But, I spent my time out with Hui Teng chatting away at Bukit Pajang Interchange. What a place right? Haha. I had my drum lesson at 8pm last night and afterwhich Hui Teng came and meet me. I guess she just doesn't wants me spend too much time cooping myself at home. Good friend indeed. Keep me company. Haha.It's just me lah. No choice.

I think I really think too much. Just gonna let some stuffs of my chest. I feel super chesty. And I seems to have this post-trip syndrome. I don't feel like going out. Just feel that there's nothing much anticipating out there. Don't know if others feel the same or it's just me. I don't what is bothering me. Arghz! Anyway, I'm going down for a morning jog. At least, I hope feel alot better after a morning jog. I hope life's get better each day. =)

Can you imagine? It's 5.28am right now. And I can't sleep and I'm now like fully gear for morning jog. I couldn't remember the last time I suffered insomnia like these.

Some pics taken at Taiwan...

Taken at Long Shan Temple

Taken at KiLin hotel before breakfast.

Well, if I don't put pictures my blog it will be like super wordy. But who cares and most importantly, who reads? Haa. These few days I'm like reminiscing and looking through all the pictures I've. Not only those taken at Taipei, but many others photos with my other friends. I realised one fact about me. I've lotsa of friends. Oh well, I should be glad and proud of it. Haa. But and that when I threw myself another question to myself. Things are like differernt now. The question that is...How many of these friends I've will last and go through with me till the end? I sanked into deep thoughts. I guessed the answer is I don't know. I treasure the people me. But I don't know if they felt the same way. Who will last with me? Is it you?

Sad isn't it? After we really start work, I've got a feeling that all will lost contact. And this is happening real soon. Cause some of them gonna start work in the following week. The thought of it is like super down. And meanwhile, I'm like a slacker who is slacking around untill my work commends at 5th May. They say is good that you can enjoy more. But, I rather start at the same time or earlier. This is because all my friends have like already started by then. It's like so depressing to see your friends work and you are slacking all the time. Just these emptiness and lonliness that overwhelmed me.

Imagine when you online. No ones there. Imagine they are working, no one out to shop with you. Imagine your handphone doesn't received any msg-es. Imagine you were at home all day facing the computor. Imagine you don't know where you''ll be post to? Imagine you keep staying at home whole day doing nothing but fearing that you might be post to some evil wards that the sister and colleugues pick on your mistake as a new staff nurse. And I'm like doing all these right now. Lol.

Oh well, people around me envy for what I've today. This includes, the luxary to travel around countries to relax and shop. The luxary of having more than 10k in my bank saving account. The luxary of having alof of friends around me. People often look at the glamorous and glory part of you and most of the times they never look back at the same when you were once feeling down and lost. Friends always say I've got lotsa of money, which I seriously don't feel good. But, did they ever thought of where did the money came from? I knew they know that is all the bond money and I don't blame them at all. Many a times, I just smiled and get over it.

It's true that I spend more time with my poly friends then secondary school friends. I admit it. I don't know how to explain these. Maybe in a shorter way is that when I'm feeling really down for that period of time my close secondary school pals weren't with me and when that I thought they ought to be there with me, they're not. I'm not trying to say that my poly friends were with me during that period of down times, but there some who really went through the bad times with me and I picked up slowly from there.

I was told to write and vent out things which I kept inside me. Thus, I'm doing it now. Cheers. =D. I hope I can sleep better tonight. Insomia is coming back. Arghz!

Hey peeps. I'm back like finally uh. I've changed my dull and bored skin to a brighter one. Look more appealing right now uh? Just wanna have a new start. Ignored my past entries. Those are like purely rubbish. Lol. But, I just don't feel like deleting them. Somehow they're thoughts and memories that I once kept them with me. So what happening lately in my life?

Oh well, I've started something new in my life. My online shop. I'm selling 2nd hand stuffs, vintage-retro items and my of my personal collections. You guys would like to take alook k? http://www.vin-ret.blogspot.com/ Please support me k? Thanks. I'm introducing new stuffs and products into it. This is because I've just returned from Taiwan. Ta da! I bought lotsa of studs, earrings and cute items k? Super cute one. =D By the way, I miss Taipei somehow. I miss the other 6 girls who when with me. =D

I'll TRY my best to update this blog regularly as possible since I've the intention of reviving it. Oh yeah. Just in case, you guys didn't know. I'm leaving for Hong Kong on the 10th April-14th April. It's like super short trip 5D4N. But, I still get to go. Haa. Pray god that it is as fun as Taiwan trip. I try to get more stuffs for my online shop when over there. =D Right now, I gotta build up my immunity just in case the victorious flu bug who killed 4 childs there wants to attack me. What's more worrying is that my mum is going with me. I pray that everything's gonna turn out right. I better purchase insurance man. Lol. Okay. I'm feeling pretty tired now. Post-taipei trip drugged sessions is ongoing! Bye people. =)