;diligo of meus vita

2012-01-27T17:47:00.002+08:00

It's really difficult to forget someone whom you were with before. Someone whom you decides to let into your life but yet now you have to forget that person. I never had to forget someone so hard before. But anyways, I will be strong. I can be and I need to be strong. I will keep telling myself this is part and parcel of my life. After all the obstacles, I will be a stronger person. Cause I'm all alone here and I'm the master of my soul. I'll continue keep you in my prayer.

2012-01-23T23:06:00.006+08:00

I re-watched IP Man 2 and I cried. It was touching because of his ending wining speech in the movie after a brutal fight with the racist Caucasians. He said:

"Hello. I didn't come here today to prove who is better. The Chinese or the western boxing. Although people have different status in life, I don't believe in one person's integrity is worth more than another. I hope we can start to respect each other. That's all. Thank you."

I just realized that all great man or leader are really charismatic. They just have a great sense of things going on around their lives and always speaks with wisdom. They are people who can inspired the others and brings about revolution. Therefore, change comes from people who are able to do it.

Another inspiring speech from Nelson Mandala:

"I thank whatever gods maybe for my unconquerable soul. I am the master of my fate and I am the captain of my soul."

2012-01-14T01:06:00.004+08:00

Can't help but to recall back Year 2010. It was a major year to me. I lost myself. Including, a big part of my comfort zone. Can't help to think sometimes, they are like a family to me. I may have been forgotten by them. I spent almost every of my weekends with them during the past. They are realy nice people to be with. In fact, I felt their warmth and love so much. I know it's been replace with many things, maybe many people. But I guessed things have changed. I wasn't intended to be part of them. If I wasn't, then I wasn't the one. The one who can stay till the end. I think maybe God has some other plans for me awaiting me to fufill. Life is strange and peculiar. I just have to keep trusting God.

2012-01-14T00:43:00.002+08:00

Every month, there will be a day the same feeling comes back.
Then I will start to do the silly things again.
This month I shall not let myself feel the same way.
Just want to keep God in my mind every now and then.
God, take me and walk me through this. I know you will.

2012-01-05T02:32:00.003+08:00

I used to envy alot and be jealous of others. I'm jealous of the abilties that they posessed and the things they can enjoy but I can't. And I'm always thinking of what I am lacking instead of what I have. But as I grow older, I realised that I've forgotten to take alook at what others do not have or what are the abilities and qualities they do not possess. Everyone ain't perfect. Everyone must have that something in each and individual of them that lacking of. Know what? Even the king isn't perfect too. Just like everyone elses, he struggles too. The point is that he works hard for it. I need to work hard too. The King's Speech. A great movie.

2012-01-04T00:05:00.001+08:00

Bon Jovi - Have a Little Faith In Me

2012-01-03T23:54:00.003+08:00

Time is our friend.

2012-01-02T17:27:00.004+08:00

Dear God,

I'm happy that you're in my life. And I'm happy for everyone around me. Thanks for answering my prayer for everyone that I loved. God, I'm praying for her. Prayed that she will find someone who loves and will love her for who she is. I thank you ahead for whatever happens in the future, because I know you definitely gonna answer my prayer! Cause you're awesome! It's her time, it's her calling. Continue to shine her life with your love!

2011-12-27T02:29:00.000+08:00

Ryan Kirkland - You Give Me Hope

2011-12-24T01:50:00.001+08:00

What is happiness?

2011-10-10T00:15:00.005+08:00

Travis - Closer
The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Your Guardian Angel
The Script - The Man Who Can't Be Moved
Howie Day - Collide
Lily Allen - Who'd Have Know
Samson - Kenangan Terindah
Peter Pan - Mungkik Nanti

These song reminds me of you alot. No matter how much you've changed and grown today.

2011-10-05T14:43:00.004+08:00

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face
I can't replace
And now that I'm strong
I have figured out
How this world turns cold
and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find
deep inside me
I can be the one

I will never let you fall(let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all(though it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
[to fade]

P/s: Know that I'm holding on to my words. I will never let you fall. The things that I used to do may not seems to be right. But, I guessed this is how the way I love you. Love can be insance. All I know was that to guard and embrace you. Give you everything I could offer. There's so many things I wished I could tell you now but what differences would it have made? You're different now. I would never be able to tell you again.

2011-10-05T14:03:00.001+08:00

Love needs embracement.
The biggest thing in life is to embrace.
To embrace is a beautiful thing.

2011-09-27T16:58:00.004+08:00

Woke up late today,
And I still feel the sting of the pain,
But I brushed my teeth anyway.
I got dressed through the mess,
And put a smile on my face.
I got a little bit stronger.

Riding in the car to work,
And I'm trying to ignore the hurt.
So I turned on the radio,
Stupid song made me think of you.
I listened to it for a minute,
But then I changed it.
I'm getting a little bit stronger,
Just a little bit stronger.

And I'm done hoping we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels
Spinning my wheels,
Letting you drag my heart around.
And I'm done thinking you could ever change,
I know my heart will never be the same.
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay,
Even on my weakest days,
I get a little bit stronger.

It doesn't happen overnight,
But you turn around and a months gone by,
And you realize you haven't cried.
I'm not giving you an hour, or a second, or another minute longer.
I'm busy getting stronger.

And I'm done hoping we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels
Spinning my wheels,
Letting you drag my heart around.
And I'm done thinking you could ever change,
I know my heart will never be the same.
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay,
Even on my weakest days,
I get a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.

Getting along without you baby,
Better off without you baby,
How does it feel without me baby?
I'm getting stronger without you baby.

And I'm done hoping we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels
Spinning my wheels,
Letting you drag my heart around.
And I'm done thinking you could ever change,
I know my heart will never be the same.
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay,
Even on my weakest days,
I get a little bit stronger.

I get a little bit stronger.
Just a little bit stronger.
Little bit, little bit, little bit stronger.
Get a little bit stronger.

2011-09-27T12:27:00.003+08:00

She looks happier without me around.
She has moved on. Moved on a life that would suit her more.
I've come to a realization that perhaps, I guess the time she spend with me was kind of nightmare for her.
I didn't realised that I am actually bringing her alot of pain then for myself.
I can even sense and feel how much she don't want me to appear in front of her.
Never did I expect that I am such a person.
Now, I'm now being hated for.
And I think its time for me to take a leave.
That's all I can offer.

2011-09-26T23:09:00.003+08:00

I've watched "Crazy Stupid Love' yesterday! I think it was a great film!

Do you believe in true love and soulmate? Yes, of course I do believe. Just that whether they appear at the right moment in our lives. I thought I've found. But, I was wronged. Till today, I still believe in what I actually believe in initially. Some of us loses our faith in love in the end. Some of us choose to carry on with the faith in us for the rest of our lives. I am one of them who chooses to carry on with my personal belief towards love.

You know what about love? Regardless of age, gender, race, religion, looks and etc. Love has no bounderies. Love has no limits. Love is a beautiful thing. And I know I it's a cliche to say this. But well, the point is that I've been in love before. Been there done that. Because I once loved.

2011-09-20T00:31:00.002+08:00

Is this what you're feeling now?

2011-09-19T23:50:00.009+08:00

Everything I've prayed for her is fufilled! Thank you Lord! If it ended in a bad way today, I would have cursed and blamed myself. God never fails us in a way. Well, things have ended, but it isn't exactly over for me. Trying to cope & embrace the things around me that is happening nowadays. I actually can't helped to think that I could have been used by her to a certain extend. But anyway, this is the choice I've made. I've no regrets over it. I do believe to a certain extend people do make use of certain people in their life to overcome their toughest time or whatever deep situations they are caught in. We all are humans, it natural for us to long for things and in order to achieve and attain these things we need people around us to help us.

Some people just wants companionship.
Some people just wants love.
Some people just long to be recognised by people who they want to.

This 2 words 'being used' sound like a bad deal but but its kinda of true. Could I have been being used? And if I could start telling you what I feel at this point, would you accept it? Would you even take a moment to stop and listen to me?

Or will you start to judge the kind of person I am?
Someone who is small at heart?
Or will you start thinking that I've changed or I am still the same old me?
Or will you think that I hasn't grown up at all?
Will anyone judge me if I start talking about it?
Sometimes, I think my thoughts are like an open field.

2011-09-17T01:23:00.002+08:00

I just happened to come across this:

Although Pitt and Oscar winner Jolie have been together for more than five years, the actor has said they will not marry until gay marriage is widely legalized. He is sticking to that.

"We'll get married when everyone can," Pitt told Parade.

If everyone could think like them. If only love was that simple. If only everyone can get marry. If only. Being human beings we tend to deviate from what we used to believe in initially. This is who we are.

2011-09-15T23:45:00.002+08:00

"At the end of the day, I pray to God to let me be able to embrace those people who hurt me in my life. It's actually very difficult to forget how much that person hurt you because it's so painful that they sometimes can leave a permanent scar in your life. Its not about hatred. It's about able to forget the pain."

2011-09-15T01:00:00.002+08:00

In life, some people can never actually understand why you are doing certain things. They tend to disagree and tend to beg to differ. Do you believe that sometimes in life, there are just some things that you need to do to make you feel better? You wouldn't want to wait till someday when you are unable to do it anymore to realise that it could have been better if you done it or earlier. This is exactly what I am feeling now. And even if I said so, will you believe me?

2011-09-13T14:34:00.004+08:00

Sometimes even as a harbour any slightest feelings for you, makes me feel utterly guilty. I shouldnt even had any thoughts of us getting back together. It should be the best way how things end. Yes, it is the best for both of us. God loves you. He wants you back. Morever, things arent the same anymore. Feelings fade, human change. The only thing that is ever ever constant is God's love.

2011-09-13T14:30:00.008+08:00

丞琳 - 仰望

如果能重来我的答案会不会更改或是等待
守在你身旁绝对不逃开不让谁将我们冲散

不怕风看穿我的孤单不怕雨纠缠眼泪擦干
让回忆倒带我将爱保管别让我一个人承担
这个失去你的遗憾　我会勇敢
仰望风能带你回来仰望雨能安静听完
脸庞发烫眼眶抵抗不肯让你离开丢下我流浪

仰望你抱我在胸膛仰望梦能给我力量
不让爱逃亡不让心躲藏让我坚强

无法预知我努力我必需遗忘的疼痛
假装执着我知道我抬起头会有你的守候

仰望风能带你回来仰望雨能安静听完
脸庞发烫眼眶抵抗不肯让你离开丢下我流浪

仰望你抱我在胸膛仰望梦能给我力量
不让爱逃亡不让心躲藏不让我疯狂

P/s:如果能重来我的答案会不会更改或是等待
守在你身旁绝对不逃开不让谁将我们冲散

You said we are from both different world, you love english songs and I appreciates chinese songs. And that I am a very chinese person. You said that this is our differences. Maybe you were right and maybe half of the time it was an excuse for you because you already lost the feelings for me. I was speechless. It wasn't that I am a very chinese person. Chinese lyrics can be very beautiful too. You if you truly love the person, you will learn to accept and love the person for who they are, even the things they liked. And maybe we are just not meant to be together. And because I love you and you made me realised that many things are interesting and beautiful. I've learnt to smell the roses. I held on tightly and have faith in our relationship but come to realise that faith dont exist in almost everything. Except the faith in God will never change. Sound cliche, but true indeed.

2011-09-12T23:37:00.001+08:00

2011-09-12T21:49:00.004+08:00

Intimacy.
Honesty.
Commitment.

Its not there since along time back. No longer.

2011-09-12T01:42:00.003+08:00

I miss those days and time that I've spent with you.
I miss the warmth & embrace from your hug and the warmth from your hand when you hold me tightly.
I really wished God could turn back time & you could give this love a second chance.
Then again, is that what I want? Is that what God wants for us?
I just want you to be happy. Find your real happinesses.
All I can do is to pray and let God leads us in our future days.
I'd still miss you so. Do you feel the same way?

2011-09-08T22:12:00.003+08:00

Not proud to mention at all. Loneliness is what I've deal with.
You know I always had a problem dealing with the issue of loneliness - feeling alone and empty. Literally alone.
Companionship means alot to me that is why I treasure it alot.
Now, I just have to go back to where I've come from.

Today, I come acrossed 2 beautiful lines that says:
"Faith makes all thing possible, love makes all things beautiful"

I think happiness made up of both faith & love. :)

2011-09-06T23:21:00.000+08:00

I feel bad. I feel towards you. I'm sorry.

2011-09-05T02:06:00.003+08:00

I guessed it feels more like I'm letting go rather than being more positive. I think there's always a line between being positive enough to move on and being able to loosen the tight fist of mine. No longer young to ignore what's happening next.

2011-09-04T03:32:00.001+08:00

Hard to forget. Let alone forgive.
I needa stop at 2nd pack. I need to.

2011-09-03T03:43:00.001+08:00

'For as long as you are happy, I will be happy for you too.'

2011-08-31T01:08:00.001+08:00

"Sometimes in love it last, but sometimes it hurts instead."

I am 24 this year. I am 24 this year.

2011-08-22T20:21:00.005+08:00

"Because when the world quiets to the sound of your own breathing, we all want the same things: comfort, love, and a peaceful heart"

As soon as I got home, my mum just told me that my neighbour whom I called him The Next-Door-Uncle had just passed away this morning. I could not really recall when was the last time I actually saw him when I opened my front gate. But isn't this alittle too fast? My house downstairs void deck is having 3 funeral services ongoing. First there was just one, then came the second yesterday and never would I expect it was uncle's funeral today. What's my greatest fear? My greatest fear is being alone, being forsaken. What if one day my mum pass away just like how uncle left so sudden?

Dear God,
Lord I pray to you tonight. Father, just for tonight I am asking for your shelter, comfort and love. Lord, give a peaceful heart. I laid my soul onto you. Take away my fear and my pain. Take away whatever that is hurting me.

2011-08-20T00:56:00.002+08:00

I still wanna thanked you.

2011-08-12T17:43:00.004+08:00

Today, I've learnt possessive noun. A noun that show possession is called a posessive noun. They are form by singular and pural noun.

They can be formed by adding apostrophes ('s) to singular nouns and plural nouns which do not end in s. For example:
God's love is great.

Or by adding an apostrophe (') to plural nouns which end in s. For example:
Humans' loves for God is never ending.

P/s: Dear God, I choose to keep believing that there is a greater plan out there for me.

2011-08-11T23:11:00.003+08:00

Dear God,
I feel you sometimes. Then tell me, what stays the same in life? The only thing I know is that your love is constant and never ending for me.

2011-08-09T18:22:00.002+08:00

2011-07-27T16:38:00.000+08:00

I've made up my mind,
Don't need to think it over
If I'm wrong, I am right
Don't need to look no further,
This ain't lust
I know this is love
But, if I tell the world
I'll never say enough
'cause it was not said to you
And that's exactly what I need to do
If I end up with you

[Chorus]
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasin' pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasin' pavements
Even if it leads nowhere

I build myself up
And fly around in circles
Waitin' as my heart drops
And my back begins to tingle
Finally, could this be it

[Chorus]
Or should I give up
Or should I just keep chasin' pavements
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there

Should I give up
Or should I just keep chasin' pavements
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place should I leave it there
Should I give up
Or should I just keep on chasin' pavements
Should I just keep no chasin' pavements
Ohh oh

[Chorus x2]

2011-07-22T00:25:00.001+08:00

I'm stronger than so many but yet undeserving. Why?

2011-07-17T12:14:00.001+08:00

The man who can't be moved. Is moving now.

2011-07-15T00:08:00.001+08:00

Dear God,
Thank you for the warmth and the sweet embrace.

2011-07-14T00:19:00.004+08:00

Lifehouse - Falling in

Everytime I see your face
My heart takes off on a high speed chase
Now don't be scared, it's only love
Baby, that we're falling in

I can't wait to tomorrow
This feeling has swallowed me whole
And know that I've lost control
This heart that I've followed
Has left me so hollow
That was then, this is now, yeah you have changed everything

Everytime I see your face
My heart takes off on a high speed chase
Now don't be scared, it's only love
That we're falling in
I would never do you wrong
Or let you down or lead you on
Don't look down, it's only love
Baby, that we're falling in

I'm standing in your driveway
It's midnight and I'm sideways
To find out if you feel the same
Won't be easy, have my doubts too
But it's over, without you I'm just lost, incomplete
Yeah you feel like home, home to me

Everytime I see your face
My heart takes off on a high speed chase
Now don't be scared, it's only love
That we're falling in
I would never do you wrong
Or let you down or lead you on
Don't look down, it's only love
Baby, that we're falling in

All those nights I stayed away
Thinking of all the ways to make you mine
All of those smiles will never fade
Never run out of ways to blow my mind

2011-07-12T00:40:00.003+08:00

2011-07-12T00:12:00.006+08:00

For all I did, I've never meant to hurt you.
It was unintentional.
But, I guessed I've already crossed that line.
If there's a chance, I will never do that again to you.
All I want is you to be happy.

P/s: God, you calm the storm in me. You. Still you hear me when I'm calling. Lord, I calling out for you tonight. I'm yours. I'm yours.

2010-12-23T22:38:00.003+08:00

I didn't want to forget this blog of mine which had accompanied me through the toughest time of my life. I've been busy with all the year-end celebrations and have been running errands to get things done. This year celebrations mean a lot more to me because after all I've been through a major operation in 2010. I really treasure the reunion time I had with all my friends, colleagues and family. I just want to capture this moment of my life. I actually feel very bless having all my love ones around me and I hope the others would feel the same way too. It is so blissful to have our love ones just right beside us. Christmas is a time for giving. Know what? When you learn to give, you gain more things. Thank God for blessing us. Through him we gained love, through him we learn to give.

2010-12-12T23:57:00.003+08:00

It's been the third day returning to work. I'm doing well with light duty still. I'm so blessed with all my understanding colleagues. Thank God for that. This few days I'm so packed with work, lecture and the arrival of baby kyler. I'm giving all my prayer and blessing for this child of my friend Kriistine. This baby will definitely grow up into a strong child, because he is being loved by so many people around him. And by the way, I'm sneezing like nobody business, down with a heavy flu. Pray to God to let me recover soon!

2010-12-08T02:53:00.000+08:00

For tonight, I just want to ask God to bless the person I'm praying for. I know he will answer my prayer and make sure things go well for her. Thank you Father in advance. I know and trust you have power in this and will make things goes right. I will keep praying.

2010-12-08T01:24:00.007+08:00

To start off with, I am not feeling very good now. In fact, I am feeling down and troubled. But,let's just get myself detach from such a feeling. I want to master the art of detachment. Anyway, I'm so into vintage and it's something I liked for a long time. I managed to shop around for past few days, wanting to look for a appropriate gift for Christmas gift exchange. I saw many of the things that I can actually use to decorate my room into a old-school-vintage room. Right now, I'm just waiting for money to roll into my bank account on the 18Th Dec. Afterwhich, I can buy all the vintage stuffs that I fancy. One place that I know I definitely want to go is PaperMarket. They sells so many of these little cute whimsical stationery and scrape book materials. Shopping there makes me go alittle gaga actually and I want to buy all of them! I am so blessed that I've time to buy I want to shop right now. Once I resume my work on coming friday, I can't guarantee if I still have such quality time and right mood to shop around for things that I want.

2010-12-04T01:24:00.005+08:00

I've been spending my time doing thank you and invitational cards. I really enjoy doing them. It feels great to see your masterpiece and your own creativity appearing on the piece artwork. Maybe I should a start online business for cards too! I definitely love this moment of my life and I do treasure it. One of the line quoted from Tuesdays with Morrie, 'When you learn how to die , you learn how to live'. I have learnt how to die. Therefore,everyday is a learning lesson to me. Thank God once again.

2010-11-28T18:07:00.014+08:00

Tamago!
I felt so saturated with cholesterol these days. I've been eating alot of eggs lately. Just 2 days back, I satisfied my craving for Ramen from RamenPlay at Orchard 313. I had a bowl of Shoyu Ramen with one an a half Tamago! That is alot of cholesterol for me! And today, I made my own Tamago(hard-soft boiled egg)! It is my first attempt. I've learnt how to make it after going through a few YouTube videos. Although it not as perfect as what I've desired, but I guessed its considered good enough for a first timer. It looks like a normal boiled egg from the picture though. But, it require some techniques to create a hard egg white but soft-boiled yoke texture. I've always been trying to make Tamago for a long time after I've ate it with Ramen noodles at a Ramen stall near Cuppage. The Ramen stall cooks good Tamago that catches my appetite. Their Tamago goes well with the noodles and the egg-yolk really melts in your mouth. I fall in love with their Ramen because of the way they cook their eggs.

At the same time, I've tried to cook sausages into octopus shape! Isn't it cute? It can be used to make a cute kids Bento set!I guessed YouTube is a good channel for people to learn about new things,food and more! If they have made facebook into a movie, why don't they consider making YouTube into a movie too? I think it will one of the box office too! I'm now trying to learn to make gyoza too!

2010-11-25T01:40:00.015+08:00

Hairloom and Caramel

No more frizzy bad hair day! It's called Hairloom and Caramel! The saloon have got a very trendy concept. A cafeteria is incorporated into the saloon and vice-versa. You can now do your hair and enjoy your afternoon tea with a piece of caramel coated cake. Caramel cafe serves very simple and comfort food like pastas, sandwiches, salad and deserts. This is especially appealing to those who hates long waiting time while doing their hair. Perms and dyes take hours to complete. You can even have your own little corner with a cup of flavoured hot tea for magazine time!

They house 'whimsica' furnitures and decorations as described by other bloggers and reviewers. I looked at the pictures they posted. Definately is the kind that I will want to visit and have alook at. According to ladyironchef, Caramel Cafe is a great place for all occasions; girlfriends outing, a cute date, birthday parties, or just simply hanging out with a bunch of friends. What's best? I found out from other reviewers that they only charge 5% for service charge and no GST. No doubt, I now know where to bring guma aka Chengxia for a hairdo makeover. :)

Hairloom & Caramel
100 Beach Road
#01-50/52 Shaw Towers
Singapore 189702

2010-11-25T01:11:00.004+08:00

"My egg had just broken!" This is what I told my friend.

Yes. My unfertilised egg have just shed off my uterus wall along with the uterus lining. I must admit that I had a very bad PMS episode today. I am being unreasonable and I flared up today. I felt bad, truly bad about it. God seems just distant away from me at that moment. I felt completely uncontrolled of myself. And when I stop and see what's within me, I realised nothing really change. God is beside me all the time. One thing that change is myself. My attitude. My esteem. I guess it's time to get a good grip of myself and stop taking false blame.For you know you have ways to guide me.

2010-11-24T00:32:00.026+08:00

Portsdown Road Singapore. Like the tip of the ice-berg! It's being hidden in the modern city of Singapore. I've read and come across a new place - The Portsdown Road. My mum said that the place is where all the Caucasians used to settle down at. I always looked out from the window of my late-aunt 16th storey flat located at Queens close. I always wondered where that place with colonial style buildings and a long railway track is. Now I know where it is.

It's like what the other bloggers described as:
"Colonial-style residential area replete with lush greenery. The atmosphere is relaxed and almost resort-like with retro apartments and charming black & white houses adding to the character and appeal of the place. This heritage area is slated to be developed into an artists' enclave within an old-school setting."

Over the years, there have been a few French & Italian restaurants opened up there. They provide the customers with very nice tranquil and peaceful ambience's. Many artists had their working studio set up in the black-white houses amidst the leaves. The greenery and old buildings located there gives people a feeling of returning to the innocence in this ever fast-growing country. I think it is idea for dining, chilling and photo-shooting sessions. Besides Dempsey hill, you now have another place to chill out with friends.

7 Portsdown Road Singapore139298

2010-11-24T00:17:00.004+08:00

I've been to west coast park yesterday to enjoy the beautiful breeze, which I always wanted to do. I wished time could stop just right there at the moment. It's been amazing how life has been for me these days. I felt generally happy & satisfied. Spent my time thinking how to be a better person. I've learnt to think before I speak. And when I speak I do it with wisdom. Everything that I am doing, I've been reminded of God presence all the time.

I still don't know where my future lies and where I should proceed to next from here - this moment of my life. Guide me through this, for I know you will.

2010-11-09T23:55:00.006+08:00

If you do know the below mentioned ways I'm talking about, which one do you choose?
1. Naturalists
2. Traditionalists
3. Ascetics
4. Activists
5. Caregivers
6. Enthusiasts
7. Contemplatives
8. Intellectuals
9. Sensates

I don't know. I am in the midst of discovering the way how I get closer to God. I had my follow-up with my surgeon today 2 weeks after my surgery. Thanks to yiping who took her time off to bring me to NUH despite of the heavy non-stop rain. Dr. Muang said that I am doing fine and my wound is healing well just that no heavy-lifting yet. The only thing on my mind now is a having plate of sumptuous chicken rice.

2010-11-03T00:49:00.008+08:00

After I woke up on the day that i was in the ICU, I realised i missed out alot of things in my life. There's so many things that i haven't been doing or rather, I've not been doing at all. I've learnt to treasure the things that i am able to do now because I wouldn't want to wait for the day where all the things I ever wanted to do gone in vain. Cause on that very day, I lost my freedom and every other elses things in my life. I felt I lost myself entirely. I thanked you once again for today.

2010-10-31T22:35:00.007+08:00

Probably due to tramadol side effects, I've been having recurring dreams every night. I hope it will get better with the recovery. I decided to post messages on my slibings facebook walls last night. I thanked them for taking time off from their work to come down to the hospital for past few days. My Mr.Cool brother replied to the post only today. I was very touched with what he posted. He replied saying that it's his responsibility to take care of me and if I encounter any problems, I can always approached him. This is the first time. The first tiime I took the first step out to express my thoughts & feelings towards my slibings. I want to thank God for what he've changed me into in this moment of my life. I thanked him for making me realising the things I've in my life.

Today, I'm feeling good. Right now, I'm feeling great.

2010-10-30T23:37:00.007+08:00

Its been a week or more after one of the major operation that I had undergone in my entire life. I've been doing fine and recover-ing well since then. Throughout this period of time, I've always been reminded of God's love for me, with my family, friends & relatives dropping by to visit and keep me accompany. I am thankful for what God have given me. It's definately an opportunity to strenghten the relationship between me and my family. An opportunity to be a better, humble, patience and down-to-earth person. An opportunity to think through whats life is about.

During that period of time, I was challenged by God, with endless wait day by day for operation day to arrive. God challenged my faith and trust in him that he will definately make the operation successful. All I have to do is to wait and be patience & hopeful. It was a indeed a test of my limits because I had to forgo many things I had. I forgo my job, freedom and part-times studies. Nevertheless, during that period of time I stayed at home and make good use of that period of time.

I feel generally in a low mood these days. Calm? maybe after a major operation having to deal with matter of life & death, it starts to set me thinking. I am now thinking what I should do the next phrase of my life. Its time to plan where I should be heading to next. Lastly, I want to thank you for staying and holding on together with me. I think you know who you are. :)

2010-10-20T02:28:00.005+08:00

I tried to stay as close to you as possible. I do wonder what kind of endurance test you're putting me through. For all I know the closer you live to God, the smaller things would appear. Please continue to provide me with the faith, hope and love. I love flowers cause they are bright, pretty and hopeful looking.

2010-10-18T02:01:00.005+08:00

Non-stop rounds to the toilet. I pray that God will made the charcoal pills that I've bought works. And I know it will definately work! Its one more day to be exact. I know I'll definately gonna be safe & sound in God's hand. For I know I can rest my soul and rely on him. I will be embraced and covered by his warmth hands.

Dear God,
Today, I thanked you for the times that you've given me to spend with my love ones before my operation. I was never forgotten or forsaken by the people who loves me during this period of time. I thanked you for the precious moments that you made it happened. I've kept the good faith because I know you are here for me. I thanked you for making use of the people and things around me to discover you. Discovering you was greatest thing that could ever happened to me. This is the true joy of life. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for allowing me to discover my purposes in life. And now, my life has a purpose with you around. Thank you.

2010-10-16T18:55:00.006+08:00

Ineffable me, my thoughts and feelings; incapable of expressing them in words. To me, it's indescribable, unutterable & unspeakable most of the time! I don't speak well. My language is bad. I don't want to much and most importantly, I don't want to be alone. Today, I've come across why being together is better.

"Two are better off than one, because together they can work more effectively. If one of them falls down, the other can help him up..Two people can resist attack that would defeat one person alone. A rope made of three cords is hard to break." I thanked him for all the wisdow he gave me today and the days to come.

2010-10-15T23:09:00.004+08:00

"You meant it for bad, but he meant it for good. You meant it for destroy me, but he used it to develope you. You meant it to tear me down, but he used it to make you a strong and more mature person." He have ways higher than you and me.

2010-10-15T16:40:00.003+08:00

What do people do when they start going through their memories? They realised that they have regrets and maybe at the same time felt lonely. This could be due to the transitions of life. New experience to deal with is lonely. Here am I keeping the good fight and faith, but how can I continue the race without further regrets in life?

2010-10-10T21:08:00.009+08:00

"Sometimes life just ain't all about your failures."

What do you do when your marriage fails? You learnt to Eat, Pray and Love. Liz Gilbert (Julia Roberts) had everything a modern woman is supposed to dream of having a husband, a house, a successful career yet like so many others, she found herself lost, confused, and searching for what she really wanted in life. Newly divorced and at a crossroads, Gilbert steps out of her comfort zone, risking everything to change her life, embarking on a journey around the world that becomes a quest for self discovery.

In her travels, she discovers the true pleasure of nourishment by eating in Italy; the power of prayer in India, and, finally and unexpectedly, the inner peace and balance of true love in Bali. Based upon the bestselling memoir by Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love proves that there really is more than one way to let yourself go and see the world. Movie release on 7th October 2010.

2010-10-10T20:52:00.002+08:00

"Doing for the audience of one, not to many others." Its never about religion or conversion is about the begining of my personal relationship with you. With you, nothing ever fails.

2010-10-08T01:39:00.008+08:00

So when I tried to search for the meaning of 'change' online, a number pages and lines came out. And then I asked myself: 'what kind of change I think I am referring to?'. Fear & insecurity comes about with change. Today, what are my fears? What are my insecurites?

2010-10-07T01:21:00.005+08:00

Everything is possible because of you. Thank you for the good times I had with my love ones today and also for the beautiful times that I had for the past few days. It was well-spent. Thank you in advance, for i know there a power in thankfulness.

2010-10-05T14:48:00.009+08:00

"
Our greatest enemy is our own attitude". Fourteen days. Learn to relax with faith.

2010-10-04T16:07:00.004+08:00

Directed by Emmy Award winner Robert Kenner, the film looks at corporate farming in America, where food production is abusive of animals and environmentally harmful.

Food, Inc. reveals shocking truths about what we eat, how its produced, who we have become as a nation and where we are going from here. Here, we discover what you have been eating. Oct 10 Sunday, 7pm on ChannelNewsAsia.

2010-10-04T02:51:00.004+08:00

When your mind decides to quit from somebody you are not, half of the load is already taken off. Choose the way you want to response to your life. Let him walk you through.

2010-10-02T02:48:00.001+08:00

I will pray for you, cause I know god will answer my prayer for you. For he has his plans for me and you.

2010-03-27T00:55:00.001+08:00

I realized. We need to see the macroscopic part of life. Picking on things microscopically in life brings us nowhere. We need to learn to see good side of life. Because there are still many beautiful things in life.

2010-02-21T23:34:00.002+08:00

"When the droplets from the sky hit you, that's when you had a clearer picture of what you want. I love walking in the rain."

2010-02-16T18:21:00.001+08:00

The thing about life is that its a cycle. Things are co-related. They happen in a way that they are connected. Aren't them? It's been some time since i last blogged. Theres a sudden urge to blog today. There is someone whom i especially miss alot today. The feeling between knowing a person who've left you and a person whom actually is really gone is of so much difference.

I wish you were with us today; you still left eventually.

2009-10-10T23:09:00.005+08:00

Ricoh 500G Rangefinder Kit
70's Vintage Instant/ Polaroid 2000 Land Camera SX-70 NR

vintage; love of my life

2009-08-28T01:03:00.008+08:00

Stumbled upon some nice tattoos. Thought about it day and night. Would like to have a tattoo in latin. Wanted to get one for sometime. Went through pages and pages of phrase and quotes in latin. Would like to have one that signifies something to me. One that i won't regret having.

Some interesting phrases that I've found:
Ventis secundis - Go with the flow
Nolite te Bastardes Carborundorum - Don't let the bastards grind you down
Vos vestros servate, meos mihi linquite mores - You cling to your own ways and leave mine to me. (Petrarch)
Vincit omnia veritas - Truth conquers all
In omnia paratus - Ready for anything
In imo animo stat pulchritudo - Beauty lies in the depths of ones soul

2009-08-20T15:29:00.002+08:00

I'm sure i want this.

p/s: give a day's work for a day's pay.

2009-08-18T01:33:00.004+08:00

This is how it goes..

Dear Fiona,
Ha, after reading this book, thought of you instantly. Decided to get you one too. Its really a motivating book. And I know you'll like it! Hope you'll be able to realise your dream someday, just like the people in this book.
-Yiping'09

Would like to thanks yiping for getting me this book. Its called 'find me a singaporean'. It's adapted from the channel 8 show hosted by belinda. I always like the programme.Its shows singaporeans in different part of the world pursuing for their dreams. It is indeed important to have dreams in life. I can have no plans in life, but i can't live without a dream. I want to give more. More than what this world provide me. I believe in giving because it brings joys and happiness. Having less in life sometimes is better, meaning that it's time to go.

I'm prepared to let go.

2009-08-14T03:13:00.004+08:00

Been sleeping more than usual. I've been experiencing dizzy spells nowadays. Which i never had before? It lasted for about 5-10secs.
Weird?

2009-07-29T21:26:00.001+08:00

This is great. I've got a mail!

Hi Fiona
Thanks you for your information, I shall be happy to contact with you for the detail of your coming, please give an update of your arrival and please let me know if anything that I can do for you for this trip, Thanks in advance of your clothes offer us
Thanks and I am looking forward to hear from you
Sarin

**************************************************************** Chan Sarin Program Manager
HAGAR-CAMBODIA
House of Smiles Program /PO.BOX 1521 Phnom Penh Tel: +855 23 885 610, Cell Phone: +855 12 777 042 / +855 16 777 042Email: chan.sarin@hagarinternational.org Web : http://www.hagarinternational.org/
From: Sarin chan [mailto:chansarin2002@hotmail.com] Sent: Wednesday, July 22, 2009 5:24 PMTo: Chan SarinSubject: FW:

From: fiona_ke_2000@hotmail.comTo: chansarin2002@hotmail.com; chan.sarin@hagarproject.orgSubject: Date: Tue, 7 Jul 2009 11:50:27 +0000

Hi Chan Sarin. This is Fiona Ke from Singapore. I remembered 2 years ago I visited cambodia with my school (Ngee Ann Polytechnic) for building water filter. I remembered we visited House of Smiles for Disabled Children. I had your name card with me. I was thinking that this year i might be returning back to cambodia (during november) to pay this kids a visit and I am interested to do some volunteering work. I'm try to get some old clothes, toys and other stuffs that is neccessary for these kids from Singapore. Meanwhile, I've some items and old toys that I want to donate to this kids. Please tell me how I can go about with these. I need your help. Thanks. =)

2009-07-25T14:52:00.001+08:00

not knowing the outcome anymore.
yes, i rebound.
and i'm sorry.
cause I care and care too much.

2009-07-15T23:41:00.000+08:00

ward sister says maybe you all are young.
and that's explains why you made mistakes?
....
then what am i suppose to say?
when age becomes a factor that hinders you.

2009-07-09T03:50:00.001+08:00

yes. i'm back in singapore safe & sound.
manage to visit chiang mai, chiang rai, myanmar and laos all at once.
it was fruitful one.
it triggers me to start another expeditions that i previously had with my school.
i crossed over the borders of thailand to myanmar this time round with the help of my tour guide.
its about the same as cambodia.
and the people there pretty poor.

i remembered those youth expedition trips is always fun & meaningful and i always learnt alot each time.
i get to see the other side of the world, which i could never be able to see in singapore.
these trips always make me feel refresh, contented with the present.
no reason to tell yourself the world is against all odds with you.
no reason to tell yourself that the world is unfair.
make me feel like a person again.
someone with feelings.
someone who feels that living on is so worthwhile and joy of being able to shared love with others makes me feel like a living person.

omg.
i'm so going to bag-pack soon.
i want to share with people what i see in the other part of the world.
probably the end of this year or next year, i will bag pack.
this is the only way i feel like a human.
being able to help others.
next stop, myanmar.

so i telling god, please blessed me the power bring more joy to others.

2009-06-20T23:37:00.001+08:00

you can have as much alcohol you wants in you.
and when reality get backs to you in the end, lifes goes on.
afterall, what is there to be done?

sickness takes away happiness

2009-06-13T22:39:00.001+08:00

sickness takes away happiness and what's within you.
sometimes you are just not yourself when you're not feeling good.

haji is a good example.
i've thinking about what haji bed 55 said.
this is what he told me last night after we quaralled:
'i am stressed you know..because of my sickness, my family don't want me..my wife doesn't wants me..my sons don't like me..my character is like that what can i do?'..'.last time, i not like that...i no job you know..'
yes. that was what he told me when i sit on the chair and spoke to him.
well, i was surprised and at the same time he soften me.
i do not know what got into him that he will tell me about his things.
it's better that he speak out what he feels.
i believe he is a nice guy when before he has renal failure got into him and
also I believe no one is bad. there should be a reason why they are behaving this way.

yes. i threw temper at him last night.

i know i shouldn't be, as a nurse.
but, he really flares me up.
pressing numerous call-bells, and poor zi hui got to answer to his unneccessary needs.
i really scolded him and wanted to nearly fight with him.
he tailed up his oxygen level several times to 7-8 litres claiming that he is feeling SOB but yet can walked out and sat on the geriatric chair without 02 and asking for milo.
it reallies freaks me and pissed me to the max.
i exchange words loudly with him till other patients woke up.
i think the dr. png also saw.
he even claims zihui put insert something into his sacral causing him pain
he said he will find his own family doctor if there is something happen. he will complain.
like what the hell?

the below is part of our conservations, that what i said to him last night:
'the more you know your character than you should change.
change for the better.
go for regular dialysis and not over-loading yourself even no one brings you.
you have legs and hands. you could work for yourself. no need to ask your family bring you. you depend on yourself.
and why the heck you are scolding us?
we have parents. we do have father and mother.
are you going to do this to your children as well?
do you know it hurts and sadden us too?
you want milo we give you. you should know that you are a renal patient and you are not allow to give you. but because you insisted, we have got no choice but to give you.
why are you behaving like that.
he kept quiet and said i know.
told me he stressed over many things.
but i said that shouldn't be the way to treat others then.
i said you remember scold us words like 'bastard' do you remember?
he said where got?
i said you did okay. i said you tell us slowly. don't shout shout at us.
that is why we are so angry with you.
he say play play only. why we so sensitive? I was like 'wadever.'
i say why u say she (referring to zi hui) insert things into your backside?
i say she was trying to clean you and you tried to move away. she didn't do anything that is trying to harm you.
i told him we are nurses here trying to help you. what you think we will do to you?
he said zihui very sensitive cannot take joke.
dots.
after that, he tell me he last time not like that and stuffs
it's his character. thats why his family doesn't like him.
i said i know you are feeling difficult..SOB and itchy here and there but you can't just shout at us.
i told him there is a reason why we didn't allow him to tail up the oxygen. because its too high later the nose will be dry and will eventually bleed. do you want it? then he kept quiet.
i told him not to worry if your o2 level really drop we will increase for him. don't worry.
after that he changed topic.
asked me to help him. he said he needs counselling. my god. COUNSELLING? he actually asked for counselling himself. wadever. shock.
and said please to me.
he cannot sleep. has been a few days. he feels difficult.
i told him he is already on some medications to help him sleep but
ask me to help him ask doctor to prescribe some meds.
I said fine. i help you by whatever ways i could next time we talk properly. please don't shout at us.
i ensure him i will get for him and serve to him onces its ordered.
afterwhich, he apologised and go back to bed.
when changing the diaper one more time, he apologised to zihui.

after the png order the piriton, i served to haji and he slept through the night till morning.
lol. it does work alittle. no more call-bells.

last night female side was busy. I just help around here and there to see what I can do. I was stressed too. cause 46i wasn't doing too good was a new admission from ED was on 100% , sp02 is 88% c/o chest pain. PTB too. then poor heavily tattoo 48a uncle c/o chest pain. desaturated slightly and he look superly unwell and unstable. He keep climbing out of bed. zihui and me took turns to look after him. 37 new admission was on hourly hypocount and sliding scale keep taking down oxygen. I just tried to do whatever I can to help. it was a rushing night, in view that 46i was a potential active case. the reg already said that if desats further ICU. zihui, hope and me was super mentally ready. By 4.30am plus zihui already sponge finished our side cause only 2 and female side shortly after.

well, well, well..it ended

2009-06-06T01:50:00.001+08:00

been thinking alot.
about the future & everything.
is this how life is about?
and when i turn off the lights, the whole word is on my mind.

2009-05-22T22:20:00.003+08:00

I am diagnosed with 'Mitral Valve Prolapse' by National Heart Center after a series of test.

2009-04-29T01:12:00.003+08:00

he died.
my dad passed away.
what am i suppose to do?

2009-04-27T02:59:00.001+08:00

our malaysia trip 24th apr to 26th apr 09.

thanks to her bei's dad! we'v gotta a chance to sit on the comfy audi car with chauffeur driving us to different places. lol.

the view from the balcony of the house.

it will be good if we can go there once in awhile for a short getway.

we even went from karaoke! wireless mic. lols.

one of the place that we've our nice food.

the three of us.
.
.
.
.
.

woots! hi everybody! i'm back from JB. this time round, it was the 3 of us again, unfortunately huiteng unable to join us. in the end, only me and ruifang able to make it for this trip. i think its a really relaxing short getaway from our stressful job. heh. we wouldn't be able to go all the way to KL for this trip because bei's dad says it too short to do so. he said next time he will bring us to KL! lol. tadah! so, i guess there were be more of such trip! heh.
.
.
.

although, it was like super short but we were pretty slacked this time. i felt very much at ease and relaxed. there weren't anything we needa worry about with bei's parent around. they even bought us nice food and drives us around! the best part is that we travelled in a very good car and i think we really've got nothing much more to complain. lol. so anyways,we just spurge our money on shopping + eating. although, there wasn't any things much we could get from there. but still, i've brought myself 2 tops + two pair of footwear and that's where my money had gone too plus singing karaoke. in the late nights, we just munch onto tidbits and kfc and watch pirated DVDs while her parents were asleep. anyway, its privated ones and it 'jump-ed' disc, when we watched halfway. dots. wadeva!
.
.
.

i just like the late nights we spent together without having to think about tommorrow's happening. i like the days i can eat and eat and laugh happy with my friends. i like the days that i can sit in front of the tv and slacked with my packets and packets of tidbits. but all these is no more. i'm going back to work on tues. hais. it's time to face reality. can god grant me more of these? =]

'i need to think positive, so that things will turn out
positive.'

2009-04-23T18:05:00.002+08:00

feeling intrigued and a little nostalgic here. just wonder that have you ever regret over some things in life that you wouldn't be able to do? and that you can never do it again? hmmm.

2009-04-22T17:09:00.002+08:00

God, I am feeling tired & terrible.
But fortunately, I had survived once again with zihui!
Cause I keep telling yourself you can do it, you must do it.

2009-02-16T00:59:00.002+08:00

Have you heared of people who age backwards?

Have you heared of people who died as a baby?

It's sounds incredible but is all happening in this movie.

'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button'

Starring Brad Pitt & Cate Blanchett.

I must really admit that Brad is charming but I don't really fancy or like him.

Anway, in the midst of my boring and lifeless nursing career, I manage to meet up Teng and Bei to catch this movie.

The show is quite dry in between, I almost dozed off and was getting kinda restless.

Afterall, if you find meaning to that show, I think it will be a great one.

'Life is not measured in minutes, but in moments.'

2008-12-29T22:26:00.001+08:00

I am dead bored at home today.
I was so dead tired that i actually slept till 1plus today.
I have been working non-stop throughout the festive seasons and attending many celebrations and gathering.
Just sooooo tired..
Today is my day off. Tomorrow will be my PH for Xmas!
Another 3 days will be 2009.
Let's all look forward.

Well, I just finished watching the movie 'The Notebook'
Ryan Gosling & Rachel Mcadam are both very good actors.
They should just be a couple in real life.
I think they will make a good one.

Just one word to describe this story - Touching!
It is just a haunting love story, one should never forget.
A few days back, I also watch ' A Walk To Remember'
but sad to say it wasn't as nice as 'The Notebook'.
The books are nicer. Nicholas Sparks is definately a goddamn good writer! =)

Anyway, there's just some much to learn from all this novel that is - LOVE.
We live to love and to be loved. Spread our love all around.

Anyway, I am gonna to watch another movie called 'The Memory Keepers Daughter'. Will update some other day.

2008-12-23T00:24:00.003+08:00

Thought of the day....
''Give a day's work for a day's pay.''

The first time you fall in love...

2008-12-21T23:07:00.000+08:00

Taken from the story 'The Notebook' by Nicholas Sparks:

'' The first time you fall in love, it changes your life forever, no matter how hard you try, the feeling never goes away...''

2008-12-13T08:28:00.001+08:00

I'm down with heavy flu, due to low-immunity.
Past 2 days was horrible.
Right now, I am having urticaria all over my body again.
It's just so unbearable.
I feel that my pulse are getting weaker as days gone by.
Am I just thinking too much?
Would life just come and go like the wind?
I feeling so terrible now. Who understands?

2008-12-04T16:52:00.002+08:00

Omg!
I slept whole day like nobody business.
Life isn't very good for me.
How about you?

2008-11-26T01:40:00.001+08:00

Had 2days MC on sunday and monday itself.
I think my hives is really stressed-induced.
Well. Well. Well.
Tell me. What to do?
Who understands me?
It comes and go.
Let's just hope that tommorrow will be a better day.

2008-11-22T02:44:00.002+08:00

Omg. Tommorrow is my night shift lah!
Being afraid, doesn't help.
I just need to remain my cool and do my job well.

Anyway, I slept whole day through.
I guess is the reason is taken atarax and piriton last night for my hives thingy.
Just hope everything goes well.

2008-11-18T23:55:00.001+08:00

I'm planning to bring my mum to Batam for a relaxing spa this coming DEC!
Can't wait for decemeber 13th months pay to come.
Work hard. Play Hard.